Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There was a lot of him and a little penis
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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