You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
