Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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