No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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