FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
