It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
