he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
