Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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