Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
