I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
