I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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