I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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