He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
