guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
