I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
