If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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