I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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