So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
