Sry I called you an 8
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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