No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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