I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
