I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
