Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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