Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
