hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
