i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
