I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
