Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
