theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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