TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
