We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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