Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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