He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
