no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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