you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
