The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
