i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
