doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
