Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
