I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
