so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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