yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
