Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
