i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
