I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
