Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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