she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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