i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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