upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
