youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
