I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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