Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He has the fingertips of a God
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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