I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just blew my weed a kiss
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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