i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
