dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
