We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
