i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude i'm inner monologue high
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
